I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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