As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
