I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
