Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As shirtless as possible
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your penis caused this!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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