If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
