I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
