I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
