Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
