We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
