I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
