every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
