i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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