I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
