On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
