Michael Bay diarrhea
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
