No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
