Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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