Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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