I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
