And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
