at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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