Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
