When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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