Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
