and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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