When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
