i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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