You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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