My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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