we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
