I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
