Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm like, not good at living.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
