so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
