Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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