She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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