I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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