Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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