I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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