he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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