Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
