Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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