So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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