do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize