i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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