hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
