i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
