i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
