Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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