The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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