Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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