How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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