If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
