We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
