My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
