I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
