In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if only i could text you this smell
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
