Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
