I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
