dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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