no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
