I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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