i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
