I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
